Run With Sparkle

Metamorphosis  is a biological process by which an  animal  physically  develops ...  which is usually accompanied by a change of  habitat  or  behavior .  This is a Greek word which means transformation or change of shape.  (Thanks, Wikipedia ) I told my husband last night, "For the first time in my life I haven't had nightly 'Mom guilt' for quite a few nights in a row!  Maybe the Lord's changing me?"  He replied as a wonderful, supportive husband should, "That's awesome!  What's made the difference?"  Hmm.... Grace. On this short journey of fearlessness I have found grace.  Grace that allows me to play with my kids and let  other things go at the moment.  Grace to stop and stand in awe of the beauty around me.  Grace to allow my kids to 'mess up' and make mistakes and learn from them.  Grace to go outside and play in the rain when there are e-mails to be answered.  Grace to put ourselves in uncomfortable people situations beca

She looked so weak, yet so beautiful.  It had been a long day. The doctors were supposed to put in a port for the Chemo and had punctured her lung instead.   Sweet, Marathon-runner, Mama of 4, tall & lean, inspiring teacher, funny, confident, Spirit-filled, friend...just some of the words I would use to describe J. Today she was facing just one of the most trying experiences of her life.  The other happened two weeks prior, two days after Christmas. My heart sank to see her in such pain... What was there to do, but just pray?  God had flooded her with His peace.  That was evident.  Her smile told it all. My heart was dragging...pleading...begging God for answers.  Why J?  Why does she have to go through this? The promise from the Psalms earlier in the day... Taken from Psalms 3-5 "But, You are a shield around me, O Lord; You bestow glory on me and lift up my head ." "I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me ." "You

 " For the Lord your God is living among you.  He is a mighty Savior.  He will take delight in you with gladness.  With His love He will calm all of your fears.  He will rejoice over you with joyful songs ." Zephaniah 3:17 My latest obsession:  Homeschooling Theory books & Curriculum.  I have been reading everything I can find on Charlotte Mason, Unschooling, Leadership Education, Curriculum maps...my head is swimming.  Am I crazy? Yes.  But, in my defense, I am new to this homeschooling thing and I want to give it all I have got!  Crazy, fear-filled Mama is back. " He will calm all of your fears ..."  ahhh...I can rest.  I can move slowly.  No rushing.  No drowning my kids in spelling drills.  No racing out to buy the latest, best curriculum.  I can sit on the couch and read with them, enjoy books with them, enjoy math with them, enjoy THEM! Fearless: Putting outside pressures aside & allowing my kids to be who they were created to be.  Isaiah hates r

Unpainted walls.  Dishes piled high.  Rotten fruit.  Something smelly in the fridge.  Phone calls.  Christmas decorations packed, but not put away.  4 hungry children.  Speech Therapy.  Grocery shopping.  Bills.  A looming CPR class.  Ballet recital.  Gold and silver glitter sprinkled throughout the house.  Schoolwork.  Tired kids arguing over silliness. Monday morning. Where did the weekend go?  How did I not get things put back in order? Overwhelming...Numb to the joy that awaits this new day. I have pledged to do the Important, not the Urgent .  " What next, Lord? How do I live it?" He whispers faintly... pray...rest... Yes, that is the important.  The most important AND the most urgent right now.  Grace.  Grace for this moment, each moment today.  Jesus wants to touch every part of this day. My to-do list did not get done.  Grace happened.  Not perfection, but Grace.  God was glorified.  Everything felt dark...I ran to Him.  Light came. Fearless :  When the

Most of the time what I think should get noticed goes far unnoticed. Every Mama can empathize with the tinge of pain when..no one sees the victories, the graces, the triumphs, those "aha' moments that just can't be retold. No matter how big or small, it would be so nice to hear "well done". When those longings for recognition come, I am so thankful for the voice of His Spirit.  "Isn't this the thrust of the gospel?  To be least?  Isn't that what I came to model for you?"   Motherhood...an opportunity to be least. I dodge little feet from hitting the computer screen. Sweet bouncy giggles. Gentle hugs.  Squinty-eyed smiles. I am reminded of the sweet reward which only comes from being least. I remember the prayer...the prayer of a Mama's heart..."Lord, I want them to see YOU, not me.  Make me invisible.  No more Heather, no more self...just YOU, just your beauty!"  How grateful I am for how He reminds me.  Just a whisper..

What if… What if this journey to fearlessness really changes me and my Type A personality?  Changes how I look at the world? My kids? My husband? My church?  My God? At every step and new venture we take together? What if… Schooling didn’t have to be a burdensome checklist hanging over my head, but a way of life…fun, even?  Is it possible for my Type A, legalistic, organization-crazed mind to let loose and allow some fun into our routine?  Our kids might actually enjoy learning and look forward to each new concept presented to them!  This is fearlessness. What if... I allowed my house to be messy, even when people “pop in” for a visit?  I allowed the house to remain “messy” all day and didn’t require everyone to pick up their toys until bedtime? I stayed in my pj’s all day and didn’t bother with make-up, but enjoyed the freedom of being a Homeschooling Mom? What if I sat down and held my babes just because I am able instead of cleaning the sink? I

This week Nate was reading our fam the story of Gideon .  Such a wonderful story of victory, faith, and...fear?  Yep, Gideon had a lot of fear...but, it was what he chose to do with that fear that made him  one of the heroes of the faith . Here's the story paraphrased by me.... Israel had again done evil in the eyes of the Lord... surprise, surprise ...and for six years they had been oppressed by the Midianites.  The Midianites ravaged their lives. Finally, after being "reduced to starvation" they cried out to the Lord. On the scene comes Gideon, threshing wheat in a wine press, the most unexpected place...living in fear... trying to keep his family alive. The Angel of the LORD appears to Gideon and says, "The Lord is with you, Mighty Warrior". Gideon's first response was, "Huh?  Are you crazy?  The Lord is with me? Look at everything that has happened to us.  How can the Lord be here? I had heard about the miracles of the Lord, but they surely

"Do one thing everyday that scares you." Eleanor Roosevelt

Something struck me this year as I read the Christmas story and I haven't been able to get away from it, especially since the theme of fearlessness has been on the forefront of my mind. Luke 1:  (Paraphrased by me) Gabriel came to Mary and told her that she was the chosen one to carry the Messiah, the King of Kings, the One her people had been anticipating for hundreds of years. WOW!  I imagine that she would've felt like the least qualified for this job.  Thus, her answer, "How will this be since I am a virgin?" 1:34. In verse 35 the angel tells her exactly how it is going to happen...through the power of the Holy Spirit.  He even gives her a story to increase her faith.  Her cousin Elisabeth who is really old and barren is pregnant.  He says, "For nothing is impossible with God!" 1:37  No human mind can comprehend this fact.  But, Mary had faith.  Her reply to this "impossible" news?  "I am the Lord's servant."  "May it

Have you ever met someone or had a conversation with someone that you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that every word out of his/ her mouth was a word from Jesus to you?   I had made an appointment to meet with a fellow pastor's wife for coffee today.  I was exhausted and had a strong desire to stay in bed, but I could feel that God was leading me to not cancel this meeting.  I didn't know much about this lovely lady except that we had ministry in common.  When I had set up the meeting this summer I was going through a really hard time in ministry and needed to talk to someone outside of the church.  But, today, because I have been so consumed with Kid's Ministry and Homeschooling, I didn't feel the need to talk about anything else. From the minute we sat down, Stephanie began saying things to me that were words for me from Jesus. She began telling me about her years of homeschooling(even as a single mom) and how she wouldn't trade them for anything, hardships i

When I am driven by fear, everyone had better watch out!  Something happens in my body when fear comes upon me.  I have mistaken it for anger, but now identified it as fear.  I get hot...reason goes out the window...calm & restfulness are long gone.   Today, the fear that started out my morning was...You're failing your children in their schooling.  We have missed quite a few days of school due to the Christmas season.  A week ago, it was totally fine and I knew we'd catch up. But, today, when I let  fear drive me, I was a mad woman.  NOT the Mama full of Grace that I long to be. The only sound thing I could do was silently say to God, "I can't do this, You have to do this.  You gave me the desire to home school, I KNOW that, now YOU have to take over."  I said it again and again while trying to pay attention to Isaiah reading to me.  I kept feeling hot, asking for God to help me think clearly.   I ran into Nate who was working on bills in the off

As this new year approaches there is only one word God has given me:   Fearless   This is something that God has been trying to get through to me for a long time.  Heather without fear? This could change every aspect of my life & even transform the people around me.  It is only the beginning. I know I'm only just scratching the surface, but God keeps pointing me to glimpses of what my life might look like with the absence of fear. I can't wait to see what this year will bring. I tried many times to change the name of this blog so that "A life without fear..." wouldn't be the central point, but I can't get away from it. On Sunday my Mother in Law brought Chinese food to our house and I opened a Fortune Cookie.  God has a sense of humor.... So, Lord, I am vowing right now to continue on this unknown journey.  I am vowing to seek a life of complete abandoned trust in YOU.  No Fear!  I don't know what this will bring in my marriage, for my ki