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Grace Dispels Fear

When I am driven by fear, everyone had better watch out!  Something happens in my body when fear comes upon me.  I have mistaken it for anger, but now identified it as fear.  I get hot...reason goes out the window...calm & restfulness are long gone.  
Today, the fear that started out my morning was...You're failing your children in their schooling.  We have missed quite a few days of school due to the Christmas season.  A week ago, it was totally fine and I knew we'd catch up. But, today, when I let  fear drive me, I was a mad woman.  NOT the Mama full of Grace that I long to be.

The only sound thing I could do was silently say to God, "I can't do this, You have to do this.  You gave me the desire to home school, I KNOW that, now YOU have to take over."  I said it again and again while trying to pay attention to Isaiah reading to me.  I kept feeling hot, asking for God to help me think clearly.  

I ran into Nate who was working on bills in the office, "How do I do this? How do I home school while all the kids are so young and needy!"  He didn't give me an answer, but said, "You're doing great!"  then me, "But, I lost my temper!"...  "Who cares!"

Somehow with that simple phrase of grace God broke through and I felt joy and peace again. 

The promise that God gave me for my kiddos long ago came back to me..

"I will teach all your children,

    and they will enjoy great peace.
14 
You will be secure under a government that is just and fair.
    Your enemies will stay far away.
You will live in peace,
    and terror will not come near.
15 
If any nation comes to fight you,
    it is not because I sent them.
    Whoever attacks you will go down in defeat." Isaiah 54:13-15

God, right now, I accept your grace for me.  I messed up again today, but I still feel your pleasure and for that I am so grateful!

The truth for the future: God will teach my children.  When that fear comes upon me, I know I have that promise for my kids.    

Still on the journey...Heather

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